Summer in November

The Making Not The Breaking

Friday morning John took our daughter with him to town and while they were out I read a chapter out of Lysa Terkeurst’s latest book, Uninvited.

“Heartbreak is part of life. It’s certainly been part of different seasons of my marriage. And though every single hurt seemed like an exposure of weakness in our relationship, it actually brought out a strength we couldn’t have gotten any other way.”

As I read that, it stood out to me, and as usual I took my pencil out and blocked out that text so that on a later day I could easily see the parts of the book that really hit me.

John got back from town with Summer Kate. We laughed & took pictures of her napping with her short Starbucks cup. How is it possible to be so cute while sleeping? She melts me.

He brought a coffee back from town for myself and to anyone who knows me, knows that is way to my heart. But then, out of nowhere, something happened. We exchanged some words and just like that we were at odds against one another. Neither one of us planned for this to happen, but before we could apologize for words that were tossed at each other carelessly, we were both in separate spaces. He on the porch while I was left on the couch where the exchanged occurred. Both of us, confused and hurt, because nothing tragic was said, but just enough to get us irritated at one another. Some time passed by and we came back together, exchanged some tearful apologies and explanations, and just like that we both realized that we aren’t each others enemy, there were things below the surface conversations that triggered the heightened emotions. It took some time for us to remember, we are on the same team.

Just like I had read this morning, what seems like weakness in our marriage is actually working together to bring strengths out of our marriage that wouldn’t be possible without those times of weakness.

The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and he would love nothing more than to destroy marriages. Marriage is a covenant. Marriage is about unity. Marriage isn’t what the enemy wants to thrive. He wants strife to thrive. He wants careless words of death to be thrown. He wants feelings to be hurt and for each spouse to never completely heal.

Here’s how

Lessons from the Unwanted Teacher: grief

I have felt called to write this post for a while now, but in the midst of my own grief journey I have put it off. This morning when I heard of yet another gut-wrenching heartbreak I told God,

“Lord, if you want me to share I will…”

And I was shocked that just minutes after praying that there were two confirmations: a random letter in the mail about grief and my daughter’s reading assignment today dealt with hope in the midst of loss.

I think de-mystifying grief is one of the greatest gifts we could all give one another and it’s my hope to do that by sharing. I am by no means an expert on the topic of grief, I am just someone who is navigating life and loss and I desperately want to help others. I have had those near and dear to my heart also embark on their own grief journeys…a journey I wish none to travel, but as life goes on…it is a journey we take and it is the cost of loving deeply and living richly.

It was mid-July when I was holding the hand of my brother while he took his last breath…

How could it be?

The person who had been constant in my life since I came into the world was no longer here with us.

That summer night changed everything and it was then that a thought came to my mind and I haven’t been able to let it go:

“Grief is the most unwanted teacher in life and the house guest that you wish never came over…and inevitably stays longer than planned.“

But, however unwanted this teacher and guest that lingers might be, they will teach life lessons that one will never let go and here are some things they have taught me…

Life will never be the same after losing what was and it will shape you into a person you never envisioned being; it is painful and one will never completely “get over it.”

Death was not in the original design when life was created and I don’t think we were ever meant to fully understand it.

The hope for Believers is that Jesus will return and he will conquer the final enemy known as death. I know that my brother put his hope and faith in Jesus and even though I don’t understand every single detail of how it all works, I have great hope we will see each other again. I believe he is part of the great cloud of witnesses cheering us on in the life of faith. (Hebrews 12:1)

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

¹³Now we do not want you to be uninformed, believers, about those who are asleep [in death], so that you will not grieve [for them] as the others do who have no hope [beyond this present life]. ¹⁴For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again [as in fact He did], even so God [in this same way—by raising them from the dead] will bring with Him those [believers] who have fallen asleep in Jesus.

And while he never again will experience pain, sickness, or heartache again, those that are still earthbound will. The good news is that Jesus didn’t leave those that are left behind without hope, we have been given a great Comforter in the Holy Spirit.

A verse I quote often is this:

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
³Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in ^[a]any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ are ^[b]ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.

The Holy Spirit brings comfort and in the same way one receives comfort they are able to turn around and later pour out that same tangible comfort to others.

God chooses to operate in a way where nothing in our lives, especially our pain, is wasted.

I have often found that what our tears are connected to, there one also finds great purpose:

Your greatest misery can often become your greatest ministry.

Thirty-eight years of life and my brother was there for every single one of those years. My mind truly did not know how to live in a world without him, but in his passing, I was forced to wrap my mind around the reality that he isn’t here, all the while, knowing that his memory is very much alive. What a gift those memories are.

A hard truth in grief is oftentimes this reality: longing for what was while embracing what is, living with extreme gratitude for what that person meant to you and really longing for just one more conversation and being met with silence that at times feels suffocating.

Believer, it does not make you any less faith-filled if you experience the human reality that is known as grief.

If anything, it proves that you live with compassion on your chest and the love you give and receive is a deep reflection of the beautiful soul that you are.

I never, ever wanted to know a life without Shane, but just know when life presents the unimaginable there can still be (and there will be) beautiful moments. Walking through grief does not mean one ignores all the joys that life still has to offer. If anything, grief presents the gift of recognizing what really matters in life, the opportunity of keeping the person’s memory alive in creative ways and the reality that this life is but a vapor. Grief makes the promise found in Psalm 34:18 come alive; God is so very near to those that are brokenhearted. God’s nearness in the last six months has truly been astounding and tangible. I will share more on this at a later time, but until then, if you are reading this and you feel the weight of grief — just know that you are not alone and I am here lifting your arms in prayer.

A Life Well Lived

Today as we honor the mothers in our lives it seems fitting to honor Granny. I shared at her funeral that honoring her that day was the most difficult yet simultaneously the easiest thing I’ve ever done as she lived in such a way that it was incredibly easy to honor.

Granny. So strong and so loving, I’ve heard many say, she made me feel like I was her own…and that’s because you were in her heart.

Her love was big and all-encompassing. As a family we all knew that her heart was so big it had to be shared. There was no separation in her worlds, they all collided and we were all invited on the journey.

Wherever she was, home was there too…for so many.

She was so secure and confident in who she was created to be and I know that’s how she was able to love so big and graciously.

She was so kind and so classy…such a lady.

And so fun and so independent…yet so beautifully dependent on her Lord and Savior.

And so gifted…and so fierce…ever played a game of spoons with her? She would leave with the spoon and you’d leave bleeding (I have scars to prove it)…and did I mention so fun, and spontaneous …yet consistent in the most comforting way …and talented …and down to earth and humble and an incredible leader and so loyal; she was a loyal wife, mom, friend, sister, grandmother, and minister.

Ministry was her life and many people know Jesus because of her.

She was and is everything good.

She would do so so so much for so many. I’ve always been in awe and wonder of how she would do it all. It was never to be seen by anyone, but always because it was who she was and what she felt was right in her heart.

Daddy, you get that from her.

I’ve always wanted to be just like her. I’ve always wanted to be her shadow and right underneath her feet …just near her…and she would let me. She had a way about her that she could go on and do all of her daily duties while inviting people along the journey, I thought it was the best when I was a little girl when she said that I was her assistant (I never grew out of thinking that was the best…).

I would open the door for those that were coming to discuss which cakes they wanted for their special event and I would walk them to her office, aka the dining room. I took my job very seriously…she always made people feel important. And side note about cakes: my daily childhood snack was cake batter with frosting on each fingertip (and all us grandkids said, “AMEN!”)…and I didn’t know until I moved away to college that sugar isn’t actually good for you …like I was raised to believe …and not everyone goes to weddings mainly for the cake.

Granny never made you feel like an inconvenience but always made sure you knew that you had a place with her. I would sit at her counter and watch her for hours as she made candy roses and decorated her cakes (it is always amazing to hear from so many just how many cakes she made, it had to of been thousands – I know she loved making cakes, but I know she loved being part of your special moments even more)

She was mesmerizing. There’s no other way to describe it.

I could (and I did) watch her for hours.

And then, she would always let me try and decorate and make those same candied roses. She would hold my hands and show me how, but I couldn’t make a flower like her no matter how many times tried.

She had an ease about her that not only made what she was doing look easy, but would also put others at ease around her.

I watched (so many times) people’s cares leave at her doorstep as they walked right into her house…because what even was a door bell?

People knew they could come on in and she liked it that way.

And when they would leave, Granny almost never let you leave empty handed. You’d leave with some cake crumbs, or candy, or an entire pound cake…

I can remember in college I would “grocery shop” in her house. She’d laugh as she walked me to my car (as she always would – you know us southerners don’t know how to say a simple goodbye, it lasts a good fifteen minutes) and I had rolls of toilet paper to take back to my college apartment and clean laundry she had just folded.

She lived by example — she didn’t have to teach with her words but rather she taught with her actions.

She showed us how to love by loving.

She made each person that she was with feel like the most important person in the room.

Anytime I would walk in her house, she would have little notepads everywhere with to-do lists: people she wanted to call, people she was going to pick up, people she was praying for, praise reports— her life was a life dedicated to people.

She never made it seem like a job but rather it’s just who she was.

Loyalty oozed from her. She would always send cards and packages at what seemed like the very perfect timing.

I will never forget as a newlywed (and new pastor’s wife) her sending me a clipping from a paper about being a pastor’s wife and her handwritten recipes. She knew the new shoes I found myself in and she was so sensitive to the needs of others.

I will treasure her handwritten letters for my entire life.

Because of her I will love harder. I will live with intention. I will live in such a way that I can look back and say I lived a good long life – because that is exactly what she did.

This last Thanksgiving, I was curled up next to her on her outside swing and I asked her,

“Granny if you could give me one piece of life advice what would it be?”

…and in true Granny fashion she didn’t answer me directly but rather she answered in such a way that it caused me to think and figure it out myself…but she said,

“You know, with me being nearly 84 and your papa 86 and with 64 years of marriage… I just think the good Lord for a good long life and I’m so grateful for our kids they do so much for us.”

That was it …and I just kept thinking over her words (as I often would) because they were and ARE truly the most valuable thing I own. I realized her life advice is stay committed, even when it’s hard, stay loyal and true and love your family hard and be grateful most for the people God has given you.

My Granny had many gifts and talents but up there at the top was her gift of gathering people…she did this up until her last breath where she was surrounded by her family…she gathered us.

She was so intentional about gathering her family… and making sure we each had something we wanted to eat at the table. I can remember I was still in the hospital after giving birth to my daughter (which was in mid-November) and she said,

“Well, baby…do you think you’ll make it to Thanksgiving this year?”

And I laughed, “Yes, Granny, I think I’ll be at Thanksgiving.”

And while I know nothing will ever be the same, I smile as I know that many lives were touched by my granny’s life and you know…my Granny was great at planting things (and keeping them alive) and well, I don’t know much about planting (I am learning more about it in her honor, though!) but I do know this…my grandmother has planted something in each of us and I smile because when you plant something and you tend to it…it grows.

I challenge us today to take every bit of wisdom, love, and joy that we have received from my granny and we make it grow in honor of her legacy.

Let’s extend our tables and our hearts and love each other well because that’s what she would want and that’s what she dedicated her life to…and that is how we can honor her.

And I want nothing more than for my life to honor her life. I spent several nights in the ICU with her, I just wanted to be close to her. I would just hold her hand and get on my knees and I would beg and plead with God to not take her…she was one of the greatest treasures that God has ever given me.

The last thing I wrote in my prayer journal was, “God, Do the miraculous.” And I can’t think of anything more miraculous than my granny being completely healed completely set free and with the one that created her.

I prayed,

“God you created her lungs… so restore them, make them better than they were before she got in this hospital.”

I then prayed, “God let her latter-days be greater than her former days…”

I prayed all of those things with all my heart and I can tell you with everything in me that God answered those prayers.

He did the most miraculous thing that Saturday with her family by her side as she took her last breath and then with the next she was with her creator. I found a note from her that said,

“We are only one breath away from eternity.”

She was right. Let’s make our breaths count.

She is my kindred heart; my greatest friend and I will live a life of gratitude that she was mine.

Family First

On New Year’s Eve we started our day with brunch, a walk on the beach with my family of three and a time of daydreaming together for the new year. After our time on the beach, we called our parents, followed by me calling my Granny, per usual. I had her on speaker phone as I usually would so that my husband could hear us talk. He always said listening to Granny and I talk to each other was one of his favorite things in life. My southern twang would come in strong to match hers and we would connect like only we could. I talked with her about our walk on the beach and what we planned for New Year’s Eve. I told her that we were going to eat all the traditional foods and John joined in saying that he never knew about the foods that we grew up eating on New Year’s Day…Granny and I laughed when I told her that I had trained him up in the Lake City ways. Then Granny said, “Me and Papa got smart and let Cracker Barrel do all the work for us”…So of course I said that was a smart move and I’d be doing that next year….

Then, as always, she asked if we were having church service that Wednesday. We shared that we were not having a service, as Pastor was letting families spend the day together…and then she said it, a phrase that has shifted everything in my life…

“Well, there was a family before there was a church.”

She said this not to prove any point, but said it in an effortless, lighthearted kind of way…

She knew the importance of gathering together. This was a woman who spent the majority of her life dedicated to the ministry. She was the definition of faithful. She would show up every time the doors of the church were open and then some…and when she was not in the church, her home was a safe haven for many. She (unintentionally) was reminding us that before there was an establishment, there was a family unit…and true ministry starts there. If this woman only knew how much of my everyday is molded by the unintentional wisdom she spoke into my life…by her actions and sometimes by her words.

In this time where we are all forced to slow down, go home, and spend time with our families (maybe more than we ever have)…remember, there was a family first. My prayer is that we would all experience unexpected healing and wholeness through this unexpected time of togetherness.

A Letter to my Daughter on Mother’s Day

My Dear Summer Kate,

As we celebrate Mother’s Day today, I find myself thinking of you the most…& as I think of you, I realize you won’t always be the toddler you are today. You will grow and as you grow, you will have to stand and be courageous in an ever-changing world. So on Mother’s Day, and every day, my prayer is that I get truth down deep in your heart, because baby, for every promise there’s a lie. I need you to know the promises so you can discern the lies.

God has placed gifts within you that nobody, no, not one person, can take from you. Don’t let the opinions of others keep you from the God-given dreams and desires that He’s placed within you. You can do it all, every single one of the things God has put on your heart, you can do it. A wise person once told me, “The opinions of others is none of our business.” Live your life strong baby-girl, don’t let the negative voices stop you. Remember, our independence and confidence comes directly from our dependency on God.

As much as I would love for your life to be all happiness and rainbows, I know that you will inevitably face hardship from time to time. But girl, God has made you strong, and even in times of weakness, His strength is made perfect in you. Hard times will produce a strength in you that you didn’t even know was there. Don’t let any of the hard times overwhelm you…and don’t let them harden your heart. The world needs your strength, but it also needs your gentle heart…and your laughter and your silliness. Don’t you lose your laughter, it is the sweetest medicine. A good sense of humor is one of life’s greatest gifts.

And baby along the way, love people and live generously with what God gives you. He always repays in the most miraculous ways, just trust me on this one.

People won’t always understand why you do the things you do, don’t feel like you have to explain yourself. Your life will speak louder than any words you could ever speak. My prayer is that a bold life of obedience to the Lord is the loudest part of your life. He will lead you down the paths you need to take, that will lead you to the right people, that will lead you to the God dreams within you. Trust. He will let you know when to speak, and when to keep silent. Jesus was the master of this. Study the Word and do as Jesus did. Meekness is not weakness, but strength under control. Just because you have something to say, doesn’t mean you have to say it.

I am always here…always.

I love you “so big much” my girl,

Your Mama

Pure Joy

There she is, Summer Kate.

Sometimes late at night, when I should just put the phone away, I look at pictures…which often leads to some reminiscing. Anyone else?

Before we found out we were having a girl, I was totally convinced we would have a boy! Growing up with three brothers I couldn’t imagine having a little girl first, but, the name Summer Kate kept coming to my mind. I thought, weird…why am I thinking of little girl names?! We are so going to have a little boy!

Then, at a surprise gender reveal photoshoot, from the most incredible friends, we found out we were having our girl!

Instantly I had tears that I couldn’t hold back. I had never experienced that kind of emotion before and I’ll never forget that day.

We’ve had this incredible bond before she ever took her first breath.

So, why the name Summer Kate?

Summer reminds me of all things that bring so much joy & Kate means pure.

Baby, you’re living up to your name, because you are absolutely pure joy.

The Yellow House

The yellow house we call home, is older than John, Summer Kate and I, all combined. Before moving to Jacksonville, we drove out to this property that was available for rent, and I knew that we had found the right place for this time. The day we moved, it was an extremely hot, Florida, summer day. Our amazing family drove over and moved us in one day. Did I mention it was hot? Like, HOT. We got the moving truck over to Jacksonville and our church family helped us put all the boxes in the shed and we the furniture in the house. My dad and I were setting up a bedroom whenever the sky opened up and it began to flood. Literally, the things we had JUST unloaded from the moving truck to the shed, flooded. I looked at Dad and he just laughed, which made me laugh, he always knows how to calm me. My mother in love was sweeping out water and moving things to higher ground, our landlord digging a trench around the shed, we were all moving like crazy. My mom was steady working, I’m sure praying, in true Mama Kay fashion. It was then that the yellow house taught me that what matters most were the people around me in that moment, not the things around me. Those THINGS could get ruined in a moment and life would go on. As I thought back to that day, it made me think of a few other things this past year has taught (is teaching) me…

The yellow house taught me that you don’t have to have it all together, to have people together. We were hardly moved in and we were having people over over for dinner, or popping over just to hang. The yellow house taught me that community and letting people in our lives (even when it’s far from perfect) matters more than having it all together. Home is where my people are.

The yellow house taught me that even though I don’t have the latest decor up in my house, that every piece that is up represents someone or something special to me. The quilt on the spare bed is the same quilt from her one year photos on the beach and the same quilt that she opened her presents on at her second birthday, it’s just becoming more and more special to me every year. That quilt, that was just a blanket, now has meaning. The frame in Summer’s room, with seashells glued to the bottom are the shells we collected on her first birthday. I love looking over on my nightstand to the huge seashell my dad picked for me one summer vacation and the table runner on our dresser from our wedding. The decorations hung in the living room, my Father in Law built, a friend from Louisiana took one of the pictures, a friend from Louisiana made the frame, my best friend gave me the photo of the world that says “GO” reminding me wherever we find ourselves and wherever we go, God commands us to go and make, wooden decor from a first mission’s trip, another handmade “T” from our aunt and uncle. The picture of John and I praying before our wedding day placed somewhere we will both look everyday to remind us that what God joined together, let no one tear apart. One day I will fill our home with new pieces, but for now I find joy looking at all of the things that take my mind back to the people who made them. All of these things make this house, our home.

The yellow house taught me to BE. To rest. To enjoy life. To value people over perfection. The yellow house taught me to be content.

The yellow house taught me to be more intentional. Those free times at home? Facetime a friend that’s on my heart. Take every moment to love the people God has so graciously placed in my life. Whenever someone says they need to talk, tell them to come on over, and we will solve all the problems over prayer and folding laundry together.

The yellow house taught me that quirkiness makes us, us, and to embrace it.

The yellow house has taught me and is still teaching me to be a better person. I can only imagine all the history this yellow house has and we are just a small part of it’s story. My daughter loves her “home.” She will look at me and say, “I home. I stay heeere” or she will say, “I want ____ at my home.” She always wants to have her friends/family over and that fills my heart with joy. I pray she always finds it normal to have people over and know we will make the room for others to come. I love that whenever people walk in they say they feel like they’re at home. I will always look back and remember the candlelit date nights on our front porch, my daughter taking her first steps in the living room, having her little friends over to play and so much more. It may seem like a simple time, but it’s a full time. My heart overflows with gratefulness.

The people behind every life moment are the true treasures in life…and I feel like the richest girl in the world.

Mama

Mama,

You are beautiful. Anyone could look at you and tell you that, but what makes you the most beautiful is your heart. You have no idea the impact you have made and continue to make on my life.

I cannot remember a time you weren’t there championing me on.

I found myself laughing on Halloween. As I gathered materials together to attempt making a costume for Summer Kate, I thought back to all of the costumes you made me over the years. It was completely normal to pick up a costume pattern in the crafts section, because homemade with love, would be the only thing that would do in your book. I’ll never know all the hours you spent on that sewing machine, knowing you had a full time job, and taking care of us, but I see you, Mama, and I love you. Thinking of those memorie, led me to think of other memories, so here we go in no particular order… 😉

Do you remember whenever I was in the process of buying my first home? I was nervous it wouldn’t pass inspection because there was a hole in the wall…so you bought stuff to fix the hole…before I knew what was happening we were at that house and you were boosting me through the tiny window in the garage. We fixed that hole & I bought that house. You were there every step of the way, cheering me on. I’ll never forget that.

Do you remember whenever I drove the Durango into that lake in high school? I just knew y’all would never let me drive again. You just picked me up and laughed it off. Thank you for not killing me. 🙂

Do you remember that time you found out I skipped that one class? You made me push mow an overgrown backyard and I had blisters to show for it.

Do you remember when I gave you attitude (again, those high school years…) and you pulled the car over and tickled me in a parking lot? You are so wild with your crazy punishments, but I will never forget them.

Do you remember your “House Blessing” lists you would wake us girls up with, after spraying us with vinegar, to clean up the house after we totally wrecked it? Haha! I am cracking up.

Do you remember when I would drive the Geo Metro in the fields before I had a license and I would sometimes come home with missing hubcaps? Haha! You wouldn’t let us in for dinner until all of those hubcaps were found!

Speaking of the Geo…remember teaching me to drive that stick shift? Haha! All the stalling out…but you wouldn’t let me learn on an automatic, just in case I were ever “stuck in a bind.”

Do you remember you making me manage a checkbook in high school? I didn’t understand then, but I understand now. Thank you for teaching me so many life skills, so naturally.

Do you remember you telling me that the hard times are actually the biggest blessings? Because they require us to lean on God in a way that otherwise we wouldn’t. Thank you for always seeing the positive.

Do you remember when Bridgett and I were gone a little too long in the fields, so you sent Russell to find us? Only to find us trying to glue your antenna back on that poor Geo? Oh my word. Mama, how am I still alive?!

Do you remember that time some guy told me you wouldn’t love me anymore if I told you all the things I had done in my life, and whenever I finished telling you all the things I did, you looked at me and said, “Baby, is that all ya got?!” Thank you for revealing another glimpse of God’s character and love that day. I’ll never forget it.

Do you remember that time I really wanted my own hangout at home? So you bought me one of those little sheds, carpeted it, decorated it and furnished it? You’re seriously too much. Thank you for that, I’ll never forget it.

Do you remember that time I wanted to go to venue appointments for my wedding, and instead of just driving over for the day, you booked a hotel with an ocean view for the night, just because you knew I would love that? I’ll never forget it.

Do you remember that time you had just had your stroke and you got that look in your eye, I’ve seen time and time again (you know, that I am on a mission and I’m going to do what I set my mind to, face) & you said, “Baby, I’m going for a walk.” & you did…and you haven’t stopped since. I won’t ever forget that and I’m so proud of you.

Do you remember that time you had open heart surgery and instead of staying in bed, you tried to pretend like you didn’t just go through major surgery and made a point to get into my room first thing in the morning, just to let me know you were going to be okay…I knew that wasn’t easy, but I also knew you had to do those things for yourself and us. I won’t ever forget it (you hardhead).

Do you remember going shopping before my wedding? You wanted to make sure I had clothes for the honeymoon. But, I also knew you knew our shopping trips wouldn’t be as frequent with me moving states away. I won’t ever forget.

Do you remember going shopping when I first found out I was pregnant? You wanted to make sure I had clothes for the pregnancy. You always go above and beyond, and I’ll never forget it.

Do you remember that time I moved to Louisiana and was terribly homesick? You got in the car and drove over, “Just to let my baby know we are just a drive away…” I won’t ever forget that, Mama. I am tearing up just thinking of it, so let me think of something funny.

Oh yeah, do you remember that time you showed up at my Branford house at 5am, and I thought someone was breaking in?! I’ll leave this one right here…

TWO WORDS: SENTIMENTAL BUNNIES

Do you remember all the dance camps, games, trips? You were there for it all. I don’t know how, but you were, and I won’t ever forget it.

Do you remember making your handmade signs for every homecoming parade? I don’t think I showed you proper appreciation back then, but Mama, I see you and I appreciate you. I will never forget all the things you’ve done for me.
Do you remember each nickname you gave me every time you woke me up in the morning? There’s no way. There was something new everyday and I loved it.

Do you remember driving me home from my wisdom teeth surgery? I don’t. But I am thankful for you! Haha.

Do you remember telling me I’m not scared after having Summer Kate even though I saw in your eyes that you weren’t completely okay yet after everything that happened…? I won’t ever forget you sitting by my side in that ICU room that entire night. I won’t ever, ever forget.

Do you remember that jacuzzi in the mountains? CRACKING UP.

Do you remember when I asked you what you thought about John and I getting married? I was looking for your final stamp of approval. You looked at me and said, “Baby, all these years I have been praying you would have a safe place in a spouse. Someone that will love you just as well on your bad days as he does on your good ones. Someone that you can be completely yourself with and feel safe. I’ve spent my life being a safe place for you and you have found that in John.” Mama, it was exactly the words I needed and you knew that. I love you for that. I’ll never forget that lunch date.

Do you remember when I had just surrendered my life to Jesus and told you I was scared and didn’t know what to do? You quickly responded that I wasn’t scared and that I finally got to be just who God created me to be. I’ll never forget that.

Do you remember that time I was crying because I didn’t want to speak that one time? I was scared. But, you were quick to remind me that I wasn’t scared and that I was created for such a time as this. Thank you for that.

Do you remember when I jumped into the pool alone, “Cause My Can Do It MYSELF?!” Only to quickly realize, “My Can’t Do It Without My Water Wings!” Haha, thank you for rescuing me!

Do you remember when I was a very little girl and a stranger said I was shy? You were quick in your response and you said it loud enough for me to hear, “She is NOT shy! You just don’t know MY girl.” Thank you for speaking life over me that day, I will never forget it.

Speaking of whenever I was little, do you remember counting to 5…five times in a row, after five spankings in a row, just because I wouldn’t pick up my toy purse off of the floor. Talk about strong-willed! (Don’t worry, I have a strong-willed daughter of my own now…) But, I will also remember you always saying that once I got on the right path, nobody could get me off of it, because of that strong-will. Again, thank you for always finding the positive.

Thank you, Mama, for always seeing the best in me and for always being sure to speak it over me. You do it EVERY SINGLE DAY. & you have no idea the impact it carries in my life.

I pray you know on your birthday and every day what a gem you are. You are a bright place in a sometimes dark world. You carry confidence and strength like nobody else. I love you, Mama. I don’t know what I did to deserve to have you as mine, but I am eternally grateful. I could write forever about all of our memories, but I’ll end it here. Just know that you are loved, SO loved. Appreciated, so appreciated.

Happy Birthday, Beautiful! I love you, MOST.

Celebrate 🎉

Today is November 1st, which means in nine days we will have a T W O year old.

Today was full of celebrating …just because we can!😉

My hope and prayer is that celebrating her own life and the life of others will flow from my daughter’s life so naturally. I want her to live in a place of constant overflow. That she will receive well & give well. I pray John and I always affirm her with our words and actions.

We were created to love and to be loved.

So today we did many of our favorite things.

…but before we did we practiced blowing out candles!😂 Getting ready for that November 10th party!🎉

We went & had foffee (coffee) & muk (oatmeal) & a cake pop. (& took some pictures)