I have felt called to write this post for a while now, but in the midst of my own grief journey I have put it off. This morning when I heard of yet another gut-wrenching heartbreak I told God,
“Lord, if you want me to share I will…”
And I was shocked that just minutes after praying that there were two confirmations: a random letter in the mail about grief and my daughter’s reading assignment today dealt with hope in the midst of loss.
I think de-mystifying grief is one of the greatest gifts we could all give one another and it’s my hope to do that by sharing. I am by no means an expert on the topic of grief, I am just someone who is navigating life and loss and I desperately want to help others. I have had those near and dear to my heart also embark on their own grief journeys…a journey I wish none to travel, but as life goes on…it is a journey we take and it is the cost of loving deeply and living richly.
It was mid-July when I was holding the hand of my brother while he took his last breath…
How could it be?
The person who had been constant in my life since I came into the world was no longer here with us.
That summer night changed everything and it was then that a thought came to my mind and I haven’t been able to let it go:
“Grief is the most unwanted teacher in life and the house guest that you wish never came over…and inevitably stays longer than planned.“
But, however unwanted this teacher and guest that lingers might be, they will teach life lessons that one will never let go and here are some things they have taught me…
Life will never be the same after losing what was and it will shape you into a person you never envisioned being; it is painful and one will never completely “get over it.”
Death was not in the original design when life was created and I don’t think we were ever meant to fully understand it.
The hope for Believers is that Jesus will return and he will conquer the final enemy known as death. I know that my brother put his hope and faith in Jesus and even though I don’t understand every single detail of how it all works, I have great hope we will see each other again. I believe he is part of the great cloud of witnesses cheering us on in the life of faith. (Hebrews 12:1)
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
13 Now we do not want you to be uninformed, believers, about those who are asleep [in death], so that you will not grieve [for them] as the others do who have no hope [beyond this present life]. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again [as in fact He did], even so God [in this same way—by raising them from the dead] will bring with Him those [believers] who have fallen asleep in Jesus.
And while he never again will experience pain, sickness, or heartache again, those that are still earthbound will. The good news is that Jesus didn’t leave those that are left behind without hope, we have been given a great Comforter in the Holy Spirit.
A verse I quote often is this:
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in [a]any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are [b]ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
The Holy Spirit brings comfort and in the same way one receives comfort they are able to turn around and later pour out that same tangible comfort to others.
God chooses to operate in a way where nothing in our lives, especially our pain, is wasted.
I have often found that what our tears are connected to, there one also finds great purpose:
Your greatest misery can often become your greatest ministry.
Thirty-eight years of life and my brother was there for every single one of those years. My mind truly did not know how to live in a world without him, but in his passing, I was forced to wrap my mind around the reality that he isn’t here, all the while, knowing that his memory is very much alive. What a gift those memories are.
A hard truth in grief is oftentimes this reality: longing for what was while embracing what is, living with extreme gratitude for what that person meant to you and really longing for just one more conversation and being met with silence that at times feels suffocating.
Believer, it does not make you any less faith-filled if you experience the human reality that is known as grief.
If anything, it proves that you live with compassion on your chest and the love you give and receive is a deep reflection of the beautiful soul that you are.
I never, ever wanted to know a life without Shane, but just know when life presents the unimaginable there can still be (and there will be) beautiful moments. Walking through grief does not mean one ignores all the joys that life still has to offer. If anything, grief presents the gift of recognizing what really matters in life, the opportunity of keeping the person’s memory alive in creative ways and the reality that this life is but a vapor. Grief makes the promise found in Psalm 34:18 come alive; God is so very near to those that are brokenhearted. God’s nearness in the last six months has truly been astounding and tangible. I will share more on this at a later time, but until then, if you are reading this and you feel the weight of grief — just know that you are not alone and I am here lifting your arms in prayer.
Summer in November 
This is so beautiful! I just love your words of wisdom.
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