I am undone.
It’s 9 in the morning on a Monday and I am already undone. Tears, snot…THE works.
Yesterday, I went on a jog and midway I stopped, sat in the sand and looked out at the ocean. It’s in those moments that my Father whispers to my heart. His promise to us is if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. I know that He is near me. Not that there is anything special about me, but only for the reason that He is a good Father that doesn’t lie. I draw near to Him & in return, He draws near to me. I live for Him and I adore His presence more than anything else in the world. I know that when I seek Him, I find Him. Yesterday, I told Him I wanted an extra measure of His presence. & it was in that moment that I looked out and saw the birds dipping into the water and flying above me. & His still small voice whispered…
You see them? They aren’t worried. They are taken care of. I love you more than that. You will be taken care of.
My comfort zone as a friend and as a person is to be the giver, the listener, the encourager & in this current season of life I have been pushed out of every comfort zone I have created. It has been like eating huge slices of humble pie, every. single. DAY. But, this morning I am in tears, because God is reminding me that not only does HE see me, but those around me see me. They love me not just when I have things to give, but they love me when they are the ones that are actually giving of themselves to me. They love me in my weakness just as much as when I am walking in strength & I can’t stop the tears from flowing.
You see. John and I just recently ventured out into a season that has been so uncomfortable for us in every way. In our marriage, ministry, everything. We stepped out of full time ministry into the great unknown. Literally, the unknown. It’s one thing to step into the unknown when you are single, or maybe even as a young couple, but when you throw babies into the mix, it gets a little bit scarier, because your every decision impacts their little lives.
It’s like we went from having a scary near death experience and walked into another scary season of unknown, and in both of those scenarios the only constant, comfort and known thing is that God is good, no matter the circumstance. This season for John & I screams out, God you have to show up, you have to come through on your promises. And it’s in those times that I am reminded that I am His daughter. It’s funny how those words come to life in a very different way every time I look into the eyes of my daughter. I take care of her because I love to take care of her. Like a weird satisfaction washes over me when I am able to calm her, especially in the middle of the night, when often I am the only one that hears her little whimpers. When the rest of the world is quiet and it’s just me and her and I comfort her back into deep rest. I can’t help but think of God that way. When I am worshipping and tears won’t stop and it’s like He reminds me of his nearness. He covers me with His presence and I am calmed and reminded that He will take care of my every need because He is my Father.
Yesterday, He told me, I am His child and my job is to have faith. I love to excel at the tasks presented before me and in this season, when the overwhelming feeling tries to overtake me and turn into a wave of anxiety, I am reminded that He will come through, He is good, He has taken care of me time and time again, and He will this time, as well.
See, in the physical, John and I are in a season of lack, but really, we lack nothing. God is supplying more than what we need. He is preparing us for what He has prepared for us. We taste of His goodness every single day. He is literally our strength in this season and every season. His provision drops right when we need it, every single time. Sometimes it looks like groceries coming in when we weren’t sure how we were going to have them and sometimes it’s a vehicle we weren’t expecting.
I was reading Proverbs 31 this morning. Those verses have never been more alive to me as they are currently. Before we had the second vehicle I would gladly walk to grocery store while baby wearing to get the things that I needed for dinner. & I jokingly would say to myself…now this is being a real Proverbs 31 woman! Haha!
But wouldn’t you know, it’s in THESE seasons, that we are able to relate to others and make the goodness of God famous. You have to need a miracle in order to experience a miracle. Miracles look different to every person, but we all need a move of God in our lives. The night my child was born, she was a miracle, but at the same time, I needed a miracle so that I would be able to raise my baby (See Post). Miracles in this season are when I am able to look into the eyes of my husband and speak life into him when the enemy wants to scream his ugly lies. I am able to figure out ways to make dinner for my family from WHATEVER is in the kitchen. I am able to get up in the middle of the night and care for the greatest reward the Lord has ever blessed me with, my daughter. I am able, because God is able, and He works through my hands. WHAT AN HONOR. I thank the Lord for this season.
When the enemy tries to come in and steal our joy from us, I will choose to praise God. I will laugh without fear of the future. That is my character, because I can trust His character. I am a woman that will trust God at His word & I choose to trust Him no matter what the circumstances are screaming.
His voice whispers to my heart that all is well and NOTHING is missing.
A Wife of Noble Character
Proverbs 31:10-31
10 [b]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm[c] clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Summer in November 
I loved this, it really touched my heart. I am in a season that at every corner all I can say is I don’t know. Everything is frustrating, hard, and I feel like I’m never going to step into God’s promises. Like you said, it’s in these times that we learn to relate with other people. In these moments God can speak the greatest. Please keep me in your prayers, I’ll be praying for you and your family. God bless!
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You are very inspiring! Lately I have been battling with then myself. Seeing God in you makes me want to be a better Christian! God bless.
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Hi Shauna! Your words and testimony are beautiful and inspiring just as you always have been! God is always on time, thank you for being a light. I pray that you continue to write and touch many lives as you have mine through your blog. You and your beautiful family are in my prayers.
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Haley, you’re amazing & inspiring. So incredibly proud of the strong woman you are.
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