The Greatest Gift

On November 10, 2015 I received the greatest gift I could’ve ever asked for, my daughter, Summer.

Before her arrival I spent a lot of my free time researching any & everything that had to do with babies. I asked my mommy friends countless questions and stayed up late every night watching entirely too many reviews.

I wanted to be prepared.

I had decided that I would have a natural birth, without any pain medication.

I didn’t go into labor on my original due date, but I began to have contractions around 12 a.m. on November 10th.

I woke my husband at 3 a.m., when my contractions became very consistent.

We decided to head to the hospital around 6 a.m.

We were given a room almost immediately.

I continued to have consistent contractions and around 10:30 a.m. they gave me an epidural, hence the smile.

So much for no pain meds…back labor’s NO joke.

Kudos to all you mama’s out there, you’re amazing!

We contacted immediate family and let them know they should head to the hospital, Summer Kate would be making her appearance soon.

Our family began to arrive & we were all so excited to meet Summer!

It was around 3 p.m. when they told me it was time to start pushing.

With each push I gave it all of my concentration and strength.

After three solid hours of pushing, my doctor let me know that Summer’s hand was by her head and it would be best for Summer if I had a C-Section. It was then that my friend Savanna, who was taking birth photos, whispered in my ear…

“Shauna, God told me this morning that you would have a C-section and it was all going to be okay.”

I told the doctor that a C-section would be fine, but asked if I could see my dad before heading back for surgery.

My dad came in & I let him know that I was scared.

“Shauna, that is how you came into this world and it’s going to be okay.”

With his comfort I was sent off to have our girl.

We were going to meet her very soon!

John put on his scrubs (his favorite part of this entire deal, besides meeting his baby girl, of course!) & they prepared me for delivery.

The mood in the operating room was upbeat & happy. I can remember some of my favorite 90’s jams playing in the background.

The moment we had been waiting for happened.

At 7:28 p.m. we welcomed our beautiful baby girl into the world.

I don’t know who was crying louder, John, or our baby.

She was 9 pounds and 20 inches long.

A healthy baby girl with a head full of black hair.

When the surgery was complete we went to the recovery room.

Our baby girl was there, waiting for us.

I got to hold her for the first time. She nursed right away, a moment I will never forget. As she was nursing I asked the nurse in the room to check me.  I was feeling a lot of fluid on my legs. She checked me and said she would be right back. She returned with the charge nurse.

She told John to take Summer.

That fluid I was feeling was blood, and a lot of it. They began removing blood clots, but couldn’t get them all. Every time they pushed my stomach, blood would rush out of me. I was losing a lot of blood and no matter the medication they gave me or what they tried, the blood wouldn’t stop.  I asked them if what was happening was normal, but they wouldn’t answer, they just said they were going to figure it out.  They mentioned the word blood transfusion to each other & before I knew it, my doctor was back in the room. He had already told us goodnight and that he would see us in the morning, so I knew his return meant that things were getting pretty serious.

The bed that they had me on wasn’t one that could be broken down to do exams, so they put a hospital pan under me and he began to check me more. It was painful, but I didn’t want anymore pain medication, I wanted to be fully present for my baby girl.

I refused the pain medication when the lady came in to give it to me.

I was ready for this to be done so I could be with my family.

He couldn’t stop the bleeding.

They rushed me back to the operating room.

He tried to stop the bleeding without having to reopen my incision, but it wasn’t possible.

They began the emergency surgery.

As quickly as I was losing blood, they were putting it back in me.

I can’t imagine what that moment was like for John. He had been waiting for over 9 months to meet this little girl & in a moment he was in a room by himself with her & all he knew was that his wife was bleeding uncontrollably at a very fast pace.

They reopened my incision from the surgery that gave us Summer. They still couldn’t find where the bleeding was coming from. I wasn’t coherent for any of this, but as my family received updates, they were praying.

My doctor called together a team of doctor’s & they were all working together. To put a very long story short, I had lost all of my blood & they didn’t think I would live. I shouldn’t be here today.

But God.

I am so grateful for the team of doctor’s who worked together to save my life.

Before any of these things happened God had reminded me on October 29th that there is no fear in love.

(see post here –> https://www.instagram.com/p/9rjkTEt0k6/)

I was in my car that day & Steffany Gretzinger’s, “No Fear in Love,” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjT61SrGYGI) came on & God’s presence fell so heavy in the car. I knew He was telling me to rest in Him. I had been having fears about becoming a mother. Not the birth, but fears about whether or not I would be a good mom to my new daughter. Fear doesn’t come from God, but from the enemy. He was using these fears to take away from the joy of the pregnancy & upcoming birth of my daughter. See, I thought God was telling me there’s no fear in love because of that particular fear, but God was preparing me for a battle I didn’t know was coming. I would be battling for my life in the near future, and I didn’t know it.

Years before getting pregnant I began to focus on working out & fueling my body with the foods that it needed. I thought I was just working out to be healthy, I never would have imagined God was preparing my body for battle.

We may think we know why we are preparing the way we are but the more I live, the more I am reminded that God’s ways are higher and He is always getting us ready for what lies ahead. 

When I was on that operating table for the emergency surgery they thought they would have to perform a hysterectomy, they weren’t sure I would make it, but I believe with my entire heart that God was guiding their hands & he was breathing His life into me.

When I was weak, He strengthened me.

It wasn’t time for me to leave this earth.

The gift of Summer in my life is to remember that every second with her is to be cherished, and not only every moment with her, but every moment with those that God has given me in this life. I want to etch every moment into my memory, to never be forgotten, which by the way is hard because “mommy-brain” is so very real. I almost lost my life, but I believe one of the reasons God gave it back to me is to raise my girl to know Him, to know that we are built to live for God and to do hard things in this life through His strength.

I will love Summer with every fiber of my being and to the best of my ability I will guide her in His truth.  I will love her, I will kiss her until she is 70, I will let her know that even though I love her more than I imagined possible, she has a heavenly Father who loves her more. I will breathe in that sweet baby’s smell and stare at her for entirely too long. I will hold her when I should be cleaning and I will sit back and take in moments more. I will love and forever be grateful for every moment that could have been taken too quickly from me.

I am grateful for every detail that wasn’t part of my original plan. I am grateful every time I have a twinge of pain where they put my epidural, because that reminds me I was able to give life to a precious girl. I am grateful for my incision because it reminds me that not only was I able to give life, but that my life was restored back to me.

I am reminding you today, in this season, to be fully present. To take in all that life has to offer. The good, bad, sad and happy. We are able to have these moments because we are alive & to be alive is a gift. During this season, cherish life above all of the other gifts that will fade away and love those around you a little longer and so much harder than you thought possible.

Thank you for reading as I begin this journey of 

Summer in November.